I think that Realtors must be some of the most positive people on the planet. Their job is to steer you in the right direction, and help you fall in love with a home; they earn your trust, build a relationship, and hopefully complete the deal. Before they know it, they have become the unsuspecting Matchmaker’s of the work force.
And, they have their own love language. We all watch the selling, flipping and goodness-knows-what-else shows that are saturating television right now, but my favorite’s are the international one’s. It seems easy to sell the attributes of a seven million dollar loft in New York City, but when faced with a small pied-à-terre in the back of a rather questionable alley, the challenge becomes a little more real.
Sometimes, it can require an almost fairytale kind of imagination (and a very positive attitude). So, with respect and love to Realtors everywhere, I wanted to share some of my favorite words from their dictionary:
OPEN PLAN – No privacy. Ever.
COZY – Much smaller than you think, and not suitable for anyone over six feet tall.
CHARMING – Has not been renovated, repaired or cleaned since 1973.
A VIEW – It has a window that you can look out of.
OUTSIDE SPACE – If you go out the door, from the inside of the house, you will be outside, in a space.
NEEDS SOME TLC – Watch your step, sign the insurance waiver, and don’t forget to wear a helmet when you visit.
PRIVATE – You will never, ever get any visitors unless they have a GPS, an overnight bag and four wheel drive.
LOW MAINTENANCE BACK YARD – A slab of concrete with room for a small, potted geranium and a white plastic chair.
VERY SPACIOUS, WITH AN OPEN PLAN CONCEPT – Larger than anyone could possible need, and please don’t ask me how you’re supposed to arrange your furniture.
LOTS OF NATURAL LIGHT – Bring your own lamps, because there are no ceiling lights (anywhere).
BUILT IN HOME OFFICE – An open shelf in a corner of the kitchen.
EASY WALKING TO ALL AMENITIES – No garage or parking space for your car.
UP AND COMING NEIGHBORHOOD – One day it will be safe, but for now don’t go out after dark, and don’t remove the bars from the windows.
PARTIALLY FURNISHED – The current owners don’t want to pay to remove the pool table, the beds have bugs, and they can’t be bothered to clean out the refrigerator.
HAS POTENTIAL – Not for the faint of heart – contractors only, please.
MOVE IN READY – We are desperate, we’ve done all we can, and we have to leave.
UNIQUE HOME – Dad retired early, bought a bunch of tools, and started fixing up the house.